drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
