I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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