Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
