At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you made out with another girl for some wings
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
