never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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