dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
