woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
