my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
