You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
