I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
