You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
