I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
