Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
