She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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