last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
