belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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