u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
