I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
