Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
