I skipped work to stalk him.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
