Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
