he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
