Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
