ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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