please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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