It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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