We're facebook friends in real life
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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