youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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