The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
