I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So much Jack, so little girl.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
