I want to have your abortion
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
