mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
