I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
