Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
