Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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