I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
