Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
