Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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