she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
