Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
