why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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