I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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