We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think i got beer on your cat.
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