Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
