is your mom at the bar?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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