I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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