dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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