My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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