I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
