Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
