I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize