I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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