Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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