I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
