Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
