Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
