I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Say something about gay babies.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
