His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
