Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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