we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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