You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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