But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
