I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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