I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
