Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
