I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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